Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Not too bad for a crazy lady

I had a follow-up appointment with Dr. N yesterday regarding my PPD. I really, truly, love that man. He's the first male OB/GYN that didn't leave me questioning exactly what creepy predilections guided them into the practice in the first place. And he actually reads my chart before he opens the door.

Anyway, he said something that I hadn't noticed before, or at least during the time that I've been on my good friend Prozac. He said that I seemed significantly better. Hmmm. Interesting. I guess that I really hadn't stopped to take stock of that lately. I'm not as mood swingy lately, and the feelings of being completely overwhelmed have diminished. Sometimes the anxiety rears its ugly head, and that is the one thing that I wish I had under better control. That overwhelming uneasiness that I can't find a way to clear from my system. I still feel that way when there is a lot to do and I can't seem to find the time or space to do it. It's something that has been around for a while (pre-Son) so it may or may not be related to the depression issue. I get all of this nervous energy and I just want to cry and pace all at the same time. During the worst of the depression, I would be nursing Son and burst into tears-I would be so scared about all of the bad things that could happen to him, the what ifs, the unknown. I would be at the point of hyperventilating. I would only feel worse when Son would look up at me and look scared. Nice mom, hunh?

So, we have decided to start weaning me down and see how it goes. He wrote me the prescription for the lower dosage for 8 weeks, and we'll re-evaluate when I go back in for my (YUCK) annual in October. After having internals right before I had Son (Dr. N. is soooo lucky he still has teeth), the regular exam should be a piece of cake...right?

In the end, I left feeling pretty darn good about everything, even though the scale told me that the giant Snickers for breakfast over the past months was NOT a good idea. For some reason, I didn't feel that bad about it. Not that I wasn't kicking myself for letting the loss that I had after I had Son be significantly diminished, but rather that it wasn't the end of the world. I'm still lighter than I was before I got pregnant, and now I just need to take some steps to re-introduce some sanity.

Overall, not a bad visit. I really hope that I am ready to get off of this stuff and move on to something far more getting back on my Met and giving Son a sibling. Now there's a project I can get into.

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