Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Still not quite there

First off, thank you for all of your warm comments regarding my announcement. It's always good to know that (a) someone actually reads this once in a while and (2) that someone cares.

Second, I'm out in New England right now on the last day of a business trip. It's been somewhat productive, so I think that I can justify the trip. We have two meetings today that will take most of the day until we have to leave for the oh-so-fun trip back to Logan to fly home. The added bonus?? We get to go through the portion of the Big Dig that was kind enough to drop concrete on commuters on our way back to the airport. At least the company offers accidental death coverage......

As for baby news, I'm not sure if it has sunk in yet. Honestly, the only time that I am really reminded of this is when I have to face the progesterone, and when we went out for dinner. Raw fish was on the agenda the first night (yuck) and even though I was able to find a cooked seafood ravioli, it still wasn't that great. So, food aversions? Check. I'm having vague periods of feeling a little sick, usually mid-afternoon, but I managed to pack a couple of candy canes off of our now disassembled Christmas tree, and that seems to help. So far, I have been able to avoid the whole gagging while brushing my teeth routine, but it's still sooooo early, I still may have to face it eventually. I'm also crampy, mainly at night. I know that things are going on "down there."

I was talking to Husband about this last night, and he still hasn't digested the whole thing either. To some degree, it's almost like this was an unplanned, surprise pregnancy. We really didn't have our heads wrapped around the possibility that this would work the first time. As Husband said prior to the positive, "...You know, be like regular people." Even though at some level I pretty much knew that this might be it. Sort of like I did with Son. I knew that everything seemed to be falling into place. However, when I heard the news, I just didn't believe. I probably should restate that. I'm a scientific type (gee a patent attorney), so I knew that an hcg of 89 was positive. Duh.

However, I am still having a hard time believing that by mid-September I'll be back to the breastfeeding, exhausted, routine, with the addition of a toddler. Please don't take this to mean that I don't want this; far from it. I can feel how real this is. I'm sporting inflation devices on my chest, I can feel the stretching and pulling down low. It just feels so surreal. Maybe it is just that we had to wait for so long for Son; that I had over four years to try to prepare myself mentally for what it would be like to be pregnant, how we would handle it.

This time, I didn't get that sort of prep time. Not that I wanted to have to wait that long again. Far from it. However, I was still in the mode of looking at Son as the baby. He stopped being a baby the moment that those little feet of his starting moving across my living room floor. He is a full blown toddler. He's pushing boundaries, and the little stinker is a problem solving machine. We have been so completely focused on him that it is difficult to imagine that we will shift that focus to be shared with someone else. If it weren't for the fact that I want to unbutton my jeans right now, I wouldn't believe that I have a passenger on board.

I know that I will get a handle on this. I know that I will embrace this pregnancy as much as I did Son's. I'm also looking forward to doing all of the things that I did with some, along with the other things that I had wanted to do that I didn't. I know that the ultimate moment will be when I see Son meet his new sibling. I can't wait to see that curious look on his face, and see him peak over the blanket to see the newest arrival. Oh, and this time I'll remember to comb my hair before picture time.

No comments: