Friday, May 25, 2007

And so it begins....

Guess who is now sick and its the absolute end of the world? Two guesses, and I'll give you the hint that he's over the age of two.

Yep, my non-believing, completely non-sympathetic and generally not on my good times list lately husband is sick. With a sniffle. Oh, wait, let me quote "a little cough," which was directed at me a couple of days ago.

Part of me wants to rejoice in the anticipation of a karmic retaliation of sorts. Husband really wasn't what I would call a stalwart of empathy, consideration, or any other warm fuzzy emotion while I felt as though I was on death's door. As you can tell, I haven't completely let go of my general pissiness of how unsupportive he can be, and his complete lack of any ability to put himself into my position. For example, when he was down for the count with his whole neck spasm thing, and really was of absolutely no help with Son or anything else for a good week, when he knew that I really still wasn't feeling all that hot (morning sickness and general fatigue held on a looooong time with this one), but yet still sucked it up so he could rest and take his mongo painkillers that would knock him out for 10 hours at a time. That type of stuff is just expected out of me. He doesn't have to ask for it, I just do it. It's part of my job as a wife, and as a mom. Son really misses him when he's not around, so I also have to try to distract a little boy who really just tolerates me sometimes.

My husband, on the other hand, does not view his job to encompass any of these duties. It has less to do with gender issues than it does with just looking out for the other person issues. What ticks me off is that he makes a big deal about his in his work-I mean, he does work in the hospitality industry after all. However, why this doesn't transfer over to me once in a great while is a mystery to me. Maybe he suffers from the same thing I do-taking care of everyone else all the time can be draining, and raises this innate desire to be taken care of yourself. I understand that one completely, and quite honestly, this is what is fueling some of my angst. However, the flip side is that in a marriage, especially one that includes parenting of other humans (while the dogs are still the babies, it is a different ballgame), there has to be some of that give and take as well. I've given a hell of a lot lately, and haven't been doing a whole lot of voluntary taking. Pulling teeth, yes, otherwise, it's been pretty slim on the receiving end.

The thing is, I LIKE doing that type of thing for him, I really do. I like taking care of other people. I was pre-med until organic chemistry scared the living bejesus out of me in under grad. I liked working in hotels and catering. Even though I am a social hermit and outlier, I like doing that stuff. However, everyone has that point where they can only give away so much of themselves before they have to get something back to replace it all. I haven't been able to do anything for me in the past year or so that has helped me replace those reserves. I haven't received anything from anyone else in that regard either. All of those factors combined create a person who is just plain burned, and I'm at a loss as to how to remedy that. Coming full circle, that means that when I feel like shit, when I can't even cough without wetting myself enough to be a candidate for a D*pends commercial, you give me something, anything. That can be telling me not to worry about Son, that you'll take care of it and then do it without yelling or being a total ass, going to the store to get my favorite comfort foods even though you may not like them yourself, or, something simple like just putting your arm around me and letting me being able to literally lean on you. I'm pretty easy like that. That's what I do for him all of the time.

OK, so maybe I've crossed the line from pissy to just plain mad. Anyway, my point is that this may be karmic payback, but it won't do me a bit of good if he doesn't get it. Which is highly unlikely. Oh well, I'll enjoy the glow for the rest of the day until I have to go home and face the reality of the grumpy need man that I'll be facing. Oh, and the little boy who also seems to also have contracted the virus from hell. Oh, the fun that will be had this weekend. Oh, and did I mention that my MIL will be involved with all of this? Good times I tell you, good times.

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