Wednesday, March 07, 2007

OK, so maybe I'm not THAT old

On Monday the fetal center got around to calling me with my bloodwork results from the first trimester scan. Apparently, at least according to my blood, I'm not that old. The Downs risk was 1:3900, and the other two were in the neighborhood of 1:8500. In the end, the probability of us having a genetically abnormal child is that of a 20 year old, at least statistically. Ha! Old my eye.....

I have to say that I'm happy that we got the results back, that there isn't anything lurking, and off we go. I understand how lucky we really are-we haven't had to deal with a loss, and other than my spotting freak out a month or so ago, no real issues to speak of. I'm beginning to feel better on a regular basis. I still feel sick if I get too tired or stressed out, but I expect that will continue on for a while. Son is adapting well to his new daycare room, and the screaming fits as we leave, usually because I required him to surrender a daycare-owned toy, are ending as soon as we roll out the driveway. He's talking so much more, and it seems as though he is adding words daily. He's not stringing anything together yet that is decipherable-I still get a lot of very serious stories in his own little language. I bet that they would be entertaining and informative if I just knew what he was saying.

The worry still lurks in the back of my mind as to how Son is going to handle all of the changes that are headed his way in the next months. He is going to get a new room, whether in a new house or in the downstairs, and will probably be moving into a toddler bed then. He's nearing 36 inches tall, and for safety's sake, he might have to leave his crib. He never tries to climb out, but I think that it is a matter of time before the thought moves him to try. How will I be able to give him the same hugs and kisses and attention? Will he resent me or his new sibling for changing his world? How am I going to be able to do it all, especially in the mornings when I am on my own? I'm going to be old, darn it!

I know that none of these worries are unique to a second time parent. It's just new to me. I look at that little man and don't think that I can love him any more than I do now. I want to give him everything, make sure that he is safe, makes good decisions, doesn't become a news story someday. How can I do that when I have to have the same responsibility for another child? Argh. It can be overwhelming if I think about it too much.

OK, so maybe I'm getting old.

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