Wednesday, November 08, 2006

NOW I get it....

I printed off my previous post to show to Husband. It seemed to me that he should know how I'm feeling about all of this. After all, he was the one stuck with the hysterical wife on a bad cell phone connection on Friday.

And his response? You know, to the whole soul-bearing thing? My effort to open up to him a bit more? (He's made comments about how I seem to have pulled away from him. When I mentioned that turning 35 really bothered me, he mumbled "Good thing that I knew about that...").

He went right back to watching TV. Told me it was too late to begin a conversation about this. Oh, but after the TV went off, it wasn't too late to try to get a little somethin' somethin'.

Now I get it. Provide unconditional love and never-ending support. Check. Be available for on-demand sex, even when I have made it clear that this cold that I have is wiping me out. Check. Just don't expect anything reciprocal. Glad we cleared that up. So happy that I allowed myself to be vulnerable. But now I get it.

1 comment:

Kristina said...

Oh, honey... I'm sorry your hubby didn't respond the way you expected. And I'm sorry about how overwhelmed you feel... I know how you feel. Working all day, trying to carve some time for yourself, trying to eat right, trying to get enough sleep... It's not easy.

There are a couple of things that might help- get an elliptical trainer for your house. We have a really small one- and it was really cheap. Somewhere between $100-$200. This way you plug in some music, hop on the trainer and you get some good you time AND some exercise. And it's nice and warm in the winter and there is no travelling. You can find a spot somewhere for it- ours is in a corner in our bedroom- you hardly notice it yet it's still there and accessible.

The other option is changing how you do things- take the stairs not the elevator. If you're like me and work on the 7th floor- you take the stairs to the 3rd floor then the elevator the rest of the way and work your way up to taking the stairs the whole way. And you take down as far as you can. Can you join a gym near your office and do a quick workout at lunch? You only need 20-30 minutes a day- just make sure you get your heartrate up high enough.

As for eating right- the only thing that has helped me is weight watchers. It helped me figure out where I needed to cutback, and how good and bad various foods are. I joined online so I don't have to attend meetings and I have access to a bunch of online tools- it's about $20 per month, but it really worked. I'm down about 15 lbs since May. I've stalled since going back to work because I've been sick and haven't been able to get into a groove yet.

I'm doing better this week- but it's still a work in progress.

Just remember that you don't need to solve all your problems at once- pick one- exercising or diet- and focus on working it into your routine.

As for your husband... try again. This time point out that you're trying to communicate better, you're trying to get closer to him and when you did, he shut you down. Tell him that doesn't inspire you to do more- but try again. It'll be worth it.

Good luck and sorry for the novel... As I figure this stuff out I'll write about it. And if you come up with any magic solutions... I expect you to share your secrets!!!

Good luck! TTYL