Who knew?

I felt like such a grown up this weekend. It's probably strange to be saying that since, you know, I'm 40 and all, but the majority of the time I still don't feel like I have this adult thing figured out too well. I mean, I have all of the attributes, right? Married? Check. Kids? Check. Advanced Degree? Check. Job? Check.

There are just some things that I haven't been able to turn the corner on, and having had two smallish kids for at least the last six years, there's always been a reason not to get it together. Too tired to consistently get the dishes done. Too busy with the kids to actually have a house that I'd let someone in. Too much kid STUFF to even think about attacking the mound.

This weekend wasn't earth shattering in that I made a ton of progress, not really if I were honest about it. But, I did manage to get all the laundry in the washer and subsequently into the dryer (where the last load is currently resting). I clean off the dining room table down to the point where we can actually eat at it and not have to look over a mound of paper/bills/magazines/homework to see each other. I'm one load of dishes/handwash away from having nothing in the sink. Did a small grocery run to fill in the gaps for the rest of week with lunches. Got almost all of my FSA submissions gathered and submitted. Maybe this speaks to the horrible depths to which we have descended, but I view it more as a sign that I'm actually catching up and not completely under water. Yep, that's what I'm going to do.

Yes, I know that it's only Monday, but I'd rather bounce along today than mope about what hasn't happened. YAY me!!

The Dental Gods shine upon us

For the first time, in what seems like ever, Son had a good, no, make that fantastic, dental checkup. No broken molars, no abscesses, no trips to the U of MN at 10 PM due to a high fever. Just no cavities, three wiggly, soon to be departed baby teeth (to join the one front tooth that lost last week), and an appointment to seal his six year molars. Bliss, I tell you.

We go back in for LMT next week. I know that I will be brought down to earth with a bit more than a simple thud. We know that she has a cavity, one that the previous dentist didn't think too much of. The same guy that screwed up my mouth and was such a tentative guy that I wanted to slug him. Fortunately, he was too (insert adverb) to continue to work on Son and LMT after Son's howling first appointment (you know, the one where Son was sent home from school with pain in his tooth, and Husband let them work on him WITHOUT any Novocaine because they thought that would hurt Son more and just managed to traumatize him) and gave us a referral to a specialized kids dentist, whom I sincerely love. Howling kid? No problem. Little freaked out by the sucky thing? Let's turn it into a game. After wimpy dentist gave us the referral, the hygienist took me aside and told me that of the two, there was really only one place to go. I'm grateful for her input, because I really like this practice.

Me, on the other hand, I need to find someone very soon. I'm the worst example to my kids; I was never afraid as a kid, but it seems that my pain tolerance has actually decreased as I've gotten older. Maybe it's the whole unexpected nature of the pain when you're getting you mouth worked on. For example, contractions, other medical procedures are actually pretty predictable. The contraction will do this for so long. It will be over. The needle for the blood draw is coming now. It will hurt here, but no surprises. When someone is poking around in your mouth, and you're stuck in a completely uncomfortable position, blinding light in your eyes, and they have an oops slip-it catches you off guard, and there is no guarantee that it won't happen again. Oh, and the last "fix" I had made my pain worse, and has stayed that way for over a year.

Yes, I'm whiny.

Well, for today I'll be happy with Son's clean bill of health and ignore the certainty of orthodontic bills that the dentist referenced as we were talking about the departure of the remainder of his baby teeth. Please let FSAs be around when we get there.....

Let's see if we can make this work

Again, another year has passed without me coming back here. I'm back at that place where I feel like I need it. Facebook just isn't the same-seems too hollow for some reason. Don't get me wrong, I've actually reconnected with some people that I have missed-and honestly can call them friends. Who knew?

However, I really needed to get back here again. I didn't mean to say goodbye (not that anyone is listening anymore), just had to re-focus. Hitting 40 is really beginning to sink in, the life change that it really is. I thought that after having two kids, even as an "infertile," I would really leave that in my rear view mirror, and never have to go back to that place. I find now that I can see the end of my reproductive days in the not-so-far distance, I'm having to confront all of that all over again. I had wanted a third child, and my husband shot it down with nary a look back. Which makes me feel all the more alone and even a bit crazy.

Maybe this just ends up being an online journal that is mine only-and that's probably OK. I need a place to talk this, as well as other, things out. I don't have many sounding boards, so at least I can get these things out, and maybe get rid of this completely unnerving, unsettled feeling. Its been chasing me for a while now, and I really would like it to break off pursuit.